Cain

Now when Adam and Eve knew each other, she conceived and bore a son they named Cain, which means the sum of what they made and had (to produce). Cain was a farmer who cared for the land. His brother Abel watched over the flocks of animals. When the young men made sacrifices to God, Abel's was regarded but Cain's was not received with the same appreciation. 

When you are named for what you produce, your output can become confused with your identity. God's silence was deafening and unbearable for Cain. The scriptures say his countenance fell. Composure and mental stability were lost without praise for his harvest.

It was enough to unravel his sense of self, his loyalty to kin, his faith in God, and his stewardship of creation. While Cain knew how to produce and strive, he did not know how to feel or fail. And so, he began to live and act out of his mind. He lured his brother to the fields and murdered him in a jealous rage. As Abel's blood soaked into the earth, Cain lied to God and argued the punishment for his sin. Without confession or empathy, he became paranoid that death would now come for him too.

Existing without real relationships meant he could imagine escalating violence and nothing else. And so he wandered away from family and farm and faith, marked by the curse of his own insecurity and isolation for generations.

- An Interpretation of Genesis 4

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Cain still wanders the earth. He is the sum of what he produces: the talents he hoards, the secrets he enforces, the acclamation he demands, the accountability he rejects. We need to talk about

mental illness
and mass shootings
and sexual violence
and racism
and poverty
and religious intolerance
and bullying
and collusion
and money laundering
and nuclear proliferation
and fake news
and threats to the constitution

but they all have one thing in common: men. More specifically, toxic masculinity. Most of today's headlines echo of Cain's anger, fear, grief, dishonesty, and loneliness, which play out in manipulative, selfish, and violent ways. We're not talking about that, but we must.

Do not let Cain's narrative win by entertaining conversation about a Muslim problem or a tax problem or an immigration problem or an it's-too-soon-to-talk-about-guns problem or a religious freedom problem or an abortion problem.

We have a toxic masculinity problem. Cain is still wandering our churches and communities and schools and airwaves and elected offices. Cain is fooling our men and boys into thinking they are the sum of what they can produce and have and hoard and hit and grab and hide and profit. And when all these things fail, they are left alone in their unapproved feelings and their distorted identity where paranoia, shame, and revenge flourish.

We have a toxic masculinity problem. White straight cis men in particular, get your people. It is time to wake up and catch up and show up for the men and boys in your life. Because it's like an episode of the Walking Dead trying to navigate this mindless epidemic without your help.

Tell them who they actually are: farmers of creation and children of Eve. Model unconditional love for animals, neighbors, and strangers. Express your feelings in front of them and talk about why that's okay. Build connections in nature and help them find simple ways to be useful. Hug and kiss them. Wrestle and play with them.  Assure them that no apparel, interest, role, or activity is "just for girls". Teach them to apologize without blaming the victim. Show them how to pray and offer thanks to God with humble candor.

Remind them to hold space and listen well to others.
Be a man in caring relationships who tells the truth, especially when it isn't easy.

Ooze empathy for those and that which you do not understand. Speak of the problem we actually have. Because feeling and confessing is balm for these feral fields that lie covered in the blood of our brother.