I'm Going In!
Some congregations are starting to come back together for in-person worship services after a year together online. While Covid persists, the in-person experience needs to be modified pretty dramatically. Folks miss singing together, sharing a meal, and physically embracing one another. But coming back together doesn’t mean we get to do those things anytime soon. How do we prepare the space and the people for a very different experience, one that will continue to be shared with those who gather online?
It’s a short-term responsibility and longer-term opportunity. Let’s design and communicate an experience that has a Covid-safe social contract and honors the grief and trauma people carry with them. Let’s practice personal responsibility and mutual accountability so that the most vulnerable, traumatized, hesitant, or unfamiliar person there can say, “When I was ready to show up, this community kept its word and their behavior valued me”.
I know most members of faith communities believe we already do this well. We declare that All Are Welcome, chalk full of good intentions. Bless our hearts. I’m here to reassure all of us that we can do better. A lot better. So let’s try!
I care deeply about curating safe and mutual spaces - especially for those who do not have the social capital to challenge or change it. This is an opportunity to teach consent to a very established segment of our communities. They are longing to return to a place that feels safe, comfortable, and valuable to them - and in coming back they will have fresh eyes and new emotions they could not have without a year away from the building.
Their embodied behavior has never been more important. It will help the rest of the community decide if and when they are willing to return in-person worship. For those less attached to the physical space, it will need to be a trustworthy experience, free of smaller social contracts popping up between old friends and cliques. Because operating by multiple sets of rules in the space says to someone without established power, “We value our old habits and personal preferences over and your welcome and sense of safety.. But we hope you’ll stay and assimilate anyway.”
Overriding the organization’s social contract with masks pulled down or physical contact can trigger anxiety that distracts from the worship experience. “Wait a minute. Those two just elbow bumped. And that usher is a close-talker. I thought I read that we weren’t going to be doing that. Oh no. I’m getting sweaty. What should I do if someone tries to greet me like that?”
There isn’t one right way to reopen to in-person community. A gradual process manages expectations, equips leaders, experiments slowly, expects accountability, and learns from its mistakes. Here are a few themes to get you started in your planning process.
Manage Expectations
The distance between our expectations and reality are called feelings. Folks might have some pretty big feelings when they come back into the space - especially if they were expecting one experience and then find themselves in the middle of a very different one. Before you invite people back together for worship, walk them through the whole process. Help them wrap their brains around it in advance so their bodies can hold all the feeling well during the experience.
“I knew we weren’t allowed to sing and knew it would feel strange. I prepared myself to refrain. It was hard, but it would have been worse without a heads up about all the modifications to the service.”
Communicate a Social Contract
It might change from week to week, depending on what you want to try and the status of the virus. But if folks show up, they are opting into the fullness of the social contract for that experience. They don’t have to like it, but they are agreeing to behave in accordance with it. All of it. Their feedback is welcome, but not during the experience. Hold that thought, folks! Be in the experience while it’s happening. Dissent and feedback have their own time and place. (Sometimes never and nowhere, but for clergy it’s usually Mondays and Email.)
My wedding buffet offered a variety of dietary options clearly labeled so guests could find something safe and healthy for their plate. When dinner was over a guest introduced himself and gave me several pointers about how the gluten-free grain options could have been better. Yes, he was someone’s plus-one. I promised him I’d keep his hot tips in mind for my next wedding reception.
Mutual Accountability
None of this planning and communicating and stressing and cleaning matters if folks aren’t willing to hold themselves and each other accountable to the social contract. We need leaders in the space who can model the agreement and leaders who can gently and firmly remind others to do what we all agreed to do.
Ushers become guides who can graciously move folks along so the route in and out of the building doesn’t bottleneck. Every assembly will need a few point people who feel comfortable reminding people to keep their distance and save social time for the parking lot and green spaces. (These are the saints we want between me and the under-the-nose-mask-lady so I don’t start yelling, “This is why we can’t have nice things!” In the middle of worship.)
Questions Before You Get Started
What are the Covid-guidelines in our area and how do we hold our plans lightly if/when those protocols change? How often will our leadership meet to make changes and who is part of this team?
Who should we be listening to when making decisions about in-person gatherings? Are we including a variety of perspectives, motivations, and demographics?
Can we commit to a hybrid experience that refuses to divide the community into VIPs in pews and observers online? (Let’s be honest.)
How can we communicate the social contract so that we are opting into the most current agreement every time we come together? Is it part of the registration process, like terms and conditions? Is it also part of the welcome process before folks enter the building?
What additional signage and safety measures need to be upgraded in our space? What roles need to be redefined or reimagined to support the social contract so worship leaders can stay in their lane?
What stakeholders and leaders need training so that the social contract receives social support and is modeled well? What are the consequences for refusing to adhere to the social contract in the space?
Reopening for in-person worship requires a lot of staff time and resources. What are you putting down or stepping back from to give this more energy? Is something else essential (like the online experience) going to suffer? If so, who can you ask for help?
Who from the staff and leadership will remain online to ensure the experience is inclusive and connected to what’s happening in the space?
Will coming back into the space include a conversation about your physical space? Why you own or rent a building, what you learned about being the church this year, and whether it should change your relationship with the property?
Who is praying for you while you discern this mess of a process?
I can’t answer the first nine questions for you, but the answer to number ten is: I am. I am praying for my colleagues of every denomination and faith. We’re all doing the best we can on the heels of a year that continues to change everything. You are loved. You are enough. You are leading well when you do so for the sake of those who do not think of it as their space just yet…and for those who never will.